2 steps forward and HOLDING

Over the past couple of months we have seen amazing progress in so many of Cooper’s problem areas. So much so that I’ve been afraid to write about it, it seems so very “too good to be true” – and as many autism parents will tell you, if you notice significant improvement don’t get too attached to it, it could be temporary and often, very often, it’s 2 steps forward, one step back. We’ve seen this with Cooper in the past, so we’ve been waiting for that one step back. So far we haven’t seen it and what I’ve finally mustered up the courage to do is to share our two steps forward. If, as it turns out, we do take one step back, I’ll share that too – it’s the only way to truly paint the whole picture.

Remember back in mid-July during summer break, the trauma and heartbreak we had while driving around looking at houses…"this one!” and “I want THAT one!” well, just two weeks later we found ourselves driving around again in a neighborhood and he was saying “why-we go in houses?” and “I want go in houses.” We think “why-we” is “why don’t we” because he says it to me a lot in the afternoons “why-we go paint!” The difference was so remarkable I don’t think I would have realized or even believed had I not written about it during the break. And perhaps an even bigger change…he didn’t get upset when we didn’t go a-knockin’ on these stranger’s doors!

We've also noticed that he doesn’t get as frustrated with us for not understanding him or not realizing what he’s asking for right away. And he’s dealing with disappointment like a champ these days. Last weekend we went to the zoo and the whole way there he was asking for ‘water play’ and there have been many zoo visits where all we do is go directly to the little splash pad and he plays until he’s ready to leave. Once we got to the zoo, changed him into his swim trunks, he remembered the giant "foam bounce" thing they sometimes have set up near the water area… He goes running out to where it’s usually set up saying ‘I want foam!” Sure buddy... We get out there and there’s no foam bounce, just an empty, damp, mulchy disappointment. I freeze, I’m expecting a melt-down “uh oh buddy, it’s not here” he stands there for a few seconds looking for it then turns to us and signs and says “all done!” – not only was he ready to change out of his swim trunks and be all done ‘water play’ he was all done zoo. But with no frustration or disappointment, just completely matter-of-fact! Yay champ!

Over all he is just so much more ‘with us” these days. I hear “I wan snuggle mama” at least once a day – remember it was about this time last year before he’d ever addressed me as mama, or anything at all for that matter! During “down time” he now sits in our laps “wah-sy lap!” (want to sit in lap) or closely beside us, often leaning over against us. He doesn’t resist holding our hand in the parking lot the way he did just a few months ago. He points at us whenever we are sitting near each other, “kiss daddy!” when we play dumb he says “mama kiss daddy!” or “tickle mama!” He’s just so much more “in our world” and continues to amaze us daily.

A couple of days ago Grant tried (as he often does) to play catch with Cooper, there was the usual 2-3 times back and forth and then surprisingly Cooper kept going! Grant was a bit surprised and immediately praised him “Good job buddy!” and sort of jokingly as a side to me “I’ve been waiting five years for this!” Cooper keeps playing and begins to add words to what he’s doing! APPROPRIATE words! “Here comes!” and “Catch it!” I was pretty shocked at what I was hearing and seeing and I turn to look at Grant expecting to see the same disbelief on his face but instead there is my dear sweet hubby with tears streaming down his face…he was playing catch with his son for the first time ever. It was truly a priceless moment.

I don’t want to give the impression that he’s so improved that he’s now reading Proust and writing essays, or even doing most of the things that his neurotypical peers are able to do at age 5, but he has most certainly taken two giant steps forward and it just makes our hearts sing.

Dad's turn in the studio

Cooper simply adores these little over-priced paint sets from the book store. There are two little figurines, 6 little pots of paint and a plastic paint brush in the box, that’s it, but for Cooper it is the bee’s knees... So last weekend we went to the ‘train store’ (book store, they have a train table in the children’s section) and almost immediately Cooper zoned in on one of these little paint sets...It quickly became clear that we weren't leaving the store without it. He held this treasure in his lap and inspected the contents through the cellophane window all the way home. It’s interesting to me, when he paints something 3D it’s a completely different scene. He’s so very deliberate and so careful but in the past, with me, there’s always been the same proclivity to put his hands in the tiny pots of paint as well. Last weekend when get got home from the bookstore I had to return a phone call so Grant took him up to the studio to get started. When I got up there I was really surprised by what I found. In a very painterly fashion Cooper was meticulously and cautiously painting his dinosaur, he was using the brush so delicately, very serious about it and when he was ready to change colors he would look at Grant and request the color he wanted (one color at a time, this was the rule that Grant had quickly established). There was no manic color mixing or constant requesting for different colors. He stayed completely focused and calm; there was no temptation to put his “poin-tah” in the paint, no requests to do so, no sleight of hand to distract us while he quickly gets his paint-on-skin fix. I think the difference this time actually had less to do with the 3D figure he was painting and a lot more to do with knowing his limitations with dad. It was a pretty neat experience for all of us i think.